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Joke of the Month

For Your Funny Bone.

MY FAVORITE ONE: From The London Times: A Well-Planned Retirement

Outside England’s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees were £1 for cars ($1.40), £5 for busses (about $7).

Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn’t show up; so the Zoo Management called the City Council and asked it to send them another parking agent.

The Council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the Zoo’s own responsibility. The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was a City employee. The City Council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the City payrole.

Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain (or some such scenario), is a man who’d apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own; and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day — for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars!

And no one even knows his name.

Business Slogans/Sign…and other funnies

On a military hospital door to colonoscopy, “To expedite your visit, please back in.”

On a plumber’s truck, “We repair what your husband fixed.”

On the trucks of a local plumbing company, “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

Pizza shop slogan, “7 days without pizza makes one weak.”

Another Pizza shop slogan, “Buy our pizza. We knead the dough.”

At a tire shop in Milwaukee, “Invite us to your next blowout.”

At a dry cleaners, “How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?”

At a towing company, “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”

On a maternity room door, “Push. Push. Push.”

On a taxidermist’s window, “We really know our stuff.”

In a podiatrist’s office, “Time wounds all heels.”

At a car dealership, “The best way to get back on your feet — miss a car payment.”

Outside a muffler shop, “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

In a restaurant window, “Don’t stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a funeral home, “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

And don’t forget the sign at a propane filling station, “Tank heaven for little grills.”